Hold on guys...this might be a long one!
As of my last update, Nicolas was in surgery. When you are in the surgery waiting room, the give you a pager. When they have information about the surgery, the pager goes off (like at a
restaurant) and the waiting room admin let's you know the update. Around 2:00 PM on Friday, we received an update that the surgery was going well. About 15 minutes later, our pager went off again. The waiting room admin starting taking us down a hallway,
Nic's mom and I started following. My mom stood up and started talking. I just looked at her and yelled "Shut up". I had no idea why we were being taken to a back room. Why couldn't the doctor just come out and talk to us like other doctors had done to other patients? Why did we have to go to a back room. We were all thinking the same thing, but I didn't want anyone to verbalize their thoughts. My mom, dad, Dick, Mary Ann, Jolene and Aunt Paulette sat and sat in this little back room. Trying to make small talk, but trying our best not to let the
nausea that had set in take over. 7 hours later (or 7
minutes, I can't tell the difference at this point), Dr.
Kuo came in. "Did you all get something for lunch?" He asked! I was the first to speak, "I can't talk about lunch until you tell us why we are back here!" He half smiled, "Everything is great!
Nic is doing well! I take families back here for privacy!". We all started breathing again. Why couldn't someone have said that to us sooner? I must watch to many movies!
Dr.
Kuo said the mass on the MRI was indeed tumor. They had removed all of it, The tumor was deeper down in the brain, but almost in the exact same place. Nicolas was in recovery and we could see him once he got to the ICU -
probably one to two hours. We wouldn't know about the tumor for a few days and we wouldn't know what our next steps would be for a few days too. Dr.
Kuo staid to answer any questions we had. He was so patient, so helpful. Not at all what I expected from a brain surgeon. Once he left I started crying and hugging my mom. "I'm so sorry I yelled at you!!" I felt so guilty. I was just so stressed and so scared, she spoke and I took it all out on her. (I still feel bad about that! She was just as scared as I was!).
Finally we got to go see
Nic. Mary Ann, Dick and I went in first. "Change of plans"
Nic said, "Come back tomorrow". But honestly, he looked good. People shouldn't look that good getting out of brain surgery. I wanted to throw myself on him, hug him, kiss him and never ever be taken away. Instead I just held his hand for awhile. Finally both sets of parents agreed it was time to go back to the hotel. We had to leave
Nic. For one of the few times that day, I started crying again.
Nic would never leave me in the hospital alone. Why would I leave him? I couldn't leave him. I am supposed to be by his side, all the time. Please don't make me leave. But they made me leave. I know
Nic needed sleep, but I'm still not convinced it was the right thing to do. Had I not been 9 months pregnant, had our families not been just as concerned about me and the baby, I would have fought more.
The next morning everyone commented how much better they slept that night. But truth be known, I slept great the night before surgery.
Nic's arms were wrapped around me and the baby. Friday night, I went to bed alone. I was up all night. Sure,
Nic's surgery was a success, but I was without him. I wonder if
Nic feeds from me, the way I feed from him. I didn't feel better until I saw him Saturday morning. I cried - again - (anyone keeping count?!) and told him I was so sorry for leaving him. He had a good night though and was feeling better.
Dr.
Kuo came to see us in the morning, after
Nic's MRI. GOOD NEWS - AGAIN!! They DID get all of the tumor. There is some "speckling" at the bottom of where the tumor is. After more tests, they'll know if that is blood, scar tissue or microscopic tumor cells (which they wouldn't have been able to get to or remove with surgery anyway). The tumor was with pathology and we would learn, in a few days, what our next steps were. Chemo? What type? Radiation? Both? Dr.
Kuo had also mentioned how impressed he was with
Nic. When they went back in for surgery, they noticed that
Nic's skull was actually starting to fuse back together. I guess this doesn't happen very often or this quickly! Way to go
Nic!
Nic was supposed to get discharged to general care (and leave the ICU) but they never got a room available. Now it's Sunday and we are still in the ICU. When I walked in this morning,
Nic was sitting up - head dressing off - eating a plate of pancakes! From now on, when he tells Emma he's a super hero, instead of laughing, I'm going to hug him and Emma and say "Yes, he is". They probably won't move
Nic to general care now, unless they need his ICU bed, but they will discharge him to go home directly from the ICU. We'll probably go home on Monday.
Nic NEEDS to know that he can't push himself. He tries to hard to do things exactly as he did before, but even superheros need rest. I want him home. I want us home. We've jumped the first hurdle. We were, again, successful. Let's keep moving forward and fight this battle once and for all.
Again, I need to thank everyone for their prayers, their positive energy, their support and encouragement. Nicolas can accomplish anything. He's proven that. Nicolas and I, together, can accomplish anything. We've proven that. Our love gets stronger as he gets stronger and our relationship continues to develop and strengthen. However, it's you. It's your prayers. It's your energy that was able to keep us up when we were down. To keep pushing us forward when we stopped. And we could not, can not and will not do it on our own. My wish for you all is that you never have to know this type of support is out there, but to know you are incredibly blessed to receive it. We'll keep you posted...
