Warm legs and arms

I'm so excited - after months of checking them out online, I finally ordered Eleanor a pair of Baby Legs.

I know to most people these look like just leg warmers, but think how functional (aka fabulous!) they are.

Now on cool summer days, I can put Eleanor in her sun dress, add a pair of baby legs, and viola! For those days when you need just a little more...

I can't wait and will be sure to post lots of pictures when they come in!
(PS, did you notice what else I did in this post? Dang, I'm gettin' good!

No time, no time!

I hate that during my lunch breaks, I sit and read other blogs. It makes me want to be so much better at blogging. I just feel like I don't have the time. When I get home, there is so much more that I would rather do. Sitting on the computer is not one of them - especially given that I sit on a computer all day long.

I also wonder..."Is this thing on?" Sometimes I feel like I'm typing for myself. My own husband doesn't read this thing. Is anyone else? Am I blogging to have other people read it? Or was I just supposed to be doing this for myself? It's hard to try and update Facebook, my blog and Eleanor's website. Well...Eleanor's website has pretty much fallen to the wayside. But just think...If I actually update this, then people wouldn't need to go to her website. Argh! It's a vicious cycle.

Do you know what has been on my mind a lot lately? Nic's upcoming MRI. I don't know why, but I'm just worried sick about this one. I think, maybe, because I had such a false sense of security for the last 3 years. Thinking, after every MRI, that he was OK. Only to know that in a matter of moments that can all be ripped away from you. I want the MRI over. I want Dr. Robins to tell us that everything looks OK. I want my amazing husband to get the life he deserves.
*sigh* I better stop before I get too emotional. Maybe I'll take a walk to the vending machine and get some dessert. Oh wait, I still have a baby wrapped around my middle section that I can't get rid of....I guess I'll have another glass of water instead.

Counting my blessings...

I've had a very rough week.

Lucky for me, my company is hiring in a bad economy. For the most part, I consider my self an "OK" recruiter. I can be objective enough to decide if hiring a candidate really will be mutually beneficial. I've hired candidates that have greatly annoyed me and I've passed on candidates that I would love to be my friend (OK...with the one exception when I hired that summer worker just because he was adorable. But that was in a past "life" and doesn't really count. I was told to hire people with a pulse, so what difference did it make if I hired some eye candy too! :) )

This week, I've wanted to hire them all. Grown men and women, with families, mortgages and debt. Grown men and women, laid off from their last job. I don't even have to ask candidates anymore why they are looking for a job. It's all the same - they were laid off. The saddest thing about this week is that I have interviewed candidates with 20+ years of experience at their previous company.

This week I feel so bad! What would our life be like if I got laid off or if Nic got laid off? We are both so lucky. Both of our companies are doing well. Both of us like our jobs. Both of us have promising futures at our jobs. But how are we any different than those candidates across my table. In the flip of a switch, Nic or I could be on that other side of the table. A great employee that worked at a not so great company.

What a humbling experience these candidates are going through. I try to be sympathetic and understanding, but the bottom line is that I can't hire them all and I have to be objective. No wonder HR gets such a bad rep. some time.

I guess I just have to count my blessings. Be thankful that we still have jobs and prepare our family for the worst. We are both employable, but really - who is hiring?

Now I feel down...where is Eleanor? I need a hug. And she is the best hug-giver ever! OK, thinking about her has made me happy again! Count your blessings this weekend. You sometimes forget just how lucky you have it!

He just whipped it out...and...I was jealous

I just have to tell you what happened to me the other day.

I was driving home from work, down Port Washington Road, right by the movie theater. I saw a cop car on the left hand side of the road and two cars pulled over in front of it. As I approached, I saw the driver of the middle car stick both arms out of his window, the cop crouch behind his door and WHIP OUT HIS GUN AND AIM IT! WHOA! I was on the phone with my friend and just kept saying, "Oh my God!". I couldn't believe it! Right there, in the middle of "rush hour"! A cop had his gun pointed at a someone! Nic asked if I saw what happened next. I was a little eager to get out of there - I was scared as to what might happen next...but I gotta admit...I am still a little curious!

Then...Thursday night I had a mom date night! I went to a presentation at the Columbia Center, called "Prepared with Love" all about feeding your new born. There were so many people there with their new little babies and SO MANY PREGNANT WOMEN! I took one look around the room, at all those swollen bellies, and got belly jealous. I said to my friend, "Don't you miss it at all?!" She didn't. I want to enjoy every new moment with Eleanor, but let me tell you...I can't wait to get pregnant again (in two years!)

The "Prepared with Love" seminar was really good. It made me want to make Eleanor's baby food. Maybe not all of it, but at least some of it. She just started cereal, she really seems to be enjoying it. What do you think?

More hours in the day please...

I just don't understand how people do it. How am I supposed to be the best employee in the world and the best mother in the world? There just are not enough hours in the day. And while yes, my family comes first, I have a job I love, a career I adore and I just can't imagine giving that up. Not to mention, the paycheck that would be given up with that.
I cried on my way home from work tonight, again. I could have staid at work until 7 PM tonight. 9 months ago, I would have staid at work. But I just can't concentrate after 5 PM. I know I have a beautiful baby girl waiting for me at home. I get home at 5:30 and I have 1 hour, sometimes 90 minutes, to spend with her. Most of that time is feeding her, getting her ready for bed and putting her to sleep. Then Nic and I have to eat, usually cook dinner before we eat it, and then clean up. Now on top of that I should pick up our much neglected house, maybe get ready for bed myself and sometimes, just sometimes, I get to check my e-mail or facebook (since my employer has found it necessary to block facebook from work - like I was such an abuser of it).

So how do women do it. Where is there a successful working woman and a successful mother?

I happened to be going to Cosco with my dad tonight and I asked if I could vent for a minute...big tears streaming down my face. He said he understood. He said he remembered missing many band concerts, performances and other milestones. Personally, I guess I don't really remember that. I remember him working a lot, but I remember him being there. But that wasn't the point. It's not that me, as a daughter, doesn't remember him missing things or that him, as a father remember missing things, it's that me, as a mother, does not want to miss a thing. I don't want to miss one smile. One laugh. One feeding.

Today as I left for work, I told Eleanor, through the tears, that I had to take her to Patty's because I had to buy her a prom dress. I had to take her to Patty's so I could buy her a semester at college, a wedding, anything. I need her to know that this is absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done, but really, I'm doing it for her.

I couldn't stay home every day. I've worked to hard to get where I am, but what I wouldn't do to know that my job was 40 hours a week (less would be even better). I told myself that when I had children I would cut my hours down to 40. I told my boss that when Eleanor was born, I was cutting my hours down to 40. Essentially, I have done that. I just didn't know the guilt that would go along with it. I didn't realize I would feel bad leaving my job with a mess on my desk, unread e-mails and unsolved problems.

Can't someone please tell me how I am supposed to do this? I just don't have the patience to learn how to do it on my own. My daughter is WAY to important to me.

Wholly Guacamole! And other drama...

WHOA! Look what I did to my blog! I'm not sure I'll be able to do it again in the future, but cross it off my list. I wanted to be able to find a cute background for my blog and I did it! Now if only I could figure out how to edit HTML. I think that is how I can make "clickable words". OH and I added something to my to do list. I want to be able to link to other posts. I think I"ll be able to do that once I figure out "clickable words". Dang, I'm gettin' good!

So last night Nic and I went on a first date. Not with each other, but with our neighbors. Nic and I have friends, but we haven't really met a lot of new people. We haven't really made new friends, but we've picked a lot of people in our neighborhood that will be our friends. They just don't know it yet.

So last November Nic and our one neighbor friend, helped push one of our other neighbors out of a snow bank. In January, the husband of the stranded motorist brought over a case of beer to thank us. It turns out they have an 18 month old girl. So...boy and girl with daughter and they obviously drink beer - we should be their friend! But as it turns out, it was winter and we didn't see much of them for awhile. Sure, I'd smile and wave every time I saw them outside, but we weren't doing much to foster the relationship.

Last night, Nic and I took Eleanor for a walk in that BEAUTIFUL 70 weather. Ben and his daughter, Kendall, were outside blowing bubbles. Kendall kept pointing at Eleanor, "Baby, Baby" she would yell. Ben and Kendall walked up and down the sidewalk for awhile and finally crossed the street. I was getting nervous. It was like being at a middle school dance, waiting to be asked to dance. Nic was fertilizing the lawn, so I was left alone to deal with small talk. Ben is very friendly and his daughter is just precious. We spent a lot of time talking about day care and little girls (as we both have one!). Nic would come over occasionally and stand there, I think just to support me, but it didn't really help with the awkwardness. Finally Eleanor got fussy and we needed to go inside. Our first neighborly encounter was over.

Later that night, after Eleanor was sleeping and Nic and I were cleaning up the kitchen, Nic asked, "So, how awkward was that?" We both just laughed. I'm sure Ben felt just as awkward as we did. But overall, I think it went well!

How funny is it? As children, we just walk up to strangers, start talking, find a common ground and become friends. Why does it seem so much harder as adults? We all have this fear that others have their social circle and want little to disrupt that. We all have this fear that we will be judged. We have fear.

Now that Summer is here, I think we'll see a lot more of our neighbors. I think each time we see each other we'll become more comfortable. And who knows...maybe by the end of summer we'll be sitting in each other's backyards, drinking beer and laughing at how nervous we once were.

A long week

I'm so ready for this week to be over.

Although the Swine Flu has given me temporary job security, I'm SO over it. As most of you know, my company manufactures "anti-bacterial wet wipes". Anti-bacterial anything tends to be in high demand when there is a pandemic (or epidemic) or whatever, going around. I, personally, am not feeling so well, but try as I may, no one at work would send me home.

I think the whole Swine Flu thing is ridiculous and I want to see this much panic and hype when the "regular flu" returns this fall/winter.

That being said...I cried the other day about it. The media tends to make us panic, about everything. So even the most level-headed individuals (I KNOW I don't fit in that category) tend to get a little worried with what is put in print. I can handle the Pig Flu - sorry, H1N1. It's Eleanor I worry about. I don't want her getting any flu. She's too little, too perfect. I couldn't handle it. I called Nic crying, begging, for the 100th time, to be a SAHM. His response was, "What are you going to do when she turns 18 and realizes that there is a world out there that you haven't exposed her to." To which my response was, "I'll deal with that then." You just want to keep them in a tiny bubble and not expose them to anything!

So, just when I am calming down about my daughter, I start to worry about my husband. I find out the chemo he is on should be taken every 2 months. He is taking it every month. Dr. Robins says his blood counts are "Amazing", but still, you wonder. What impact would the Pig Flu have on a man with a compromised immune system. Nic just brushed me off with that worry, too.

He ruins all my worry fun!

All the same, it sounds like the "hype" of the Pig Flu is dying down. We'll have to go back to worrying about the economy and us first-time mothers will have to find something else to worry about...Have I told you about Eleanor's eczema? Maybe I can worry about that!