2012: A Year in Review

If 2011 kept me on my toes - 2012 didn't leave me much chance to catch my breath.

2012 was still filled with grief.  Eleanor and I had survived our first holiday season without Nic.  Some moments proved to be more comical than others: We purchased our own tree and hung our lights to our house with a staple gun.  We continued to learn.  To put one foot in front of the other. 

We celebrated Nic's birthday and we honored many other anniversaries throughout the year.  One of the most trying anniversaries was the one-year anniversary of Nic's passing.   It was a time for reflection though.  We had made it.  We could make it.  We could do it.  Day after day...we could do it. 

And as we were living our life, a strange little thing happened.  A little thing that started little...and evolved.  Evolved into a new love. When you least expected. Where you least expected. 

Andy and I began to spend more and more time together.  Then, we started spending time with each other and Eleanor.  And in June of 2012, Andy and I were engaged. 

In July, Eleanor and I put our Keith Lane house on the market and 2 hours later it was off the market! 

In August, Eleanor and I moved in my parents...and my "stuff" went to Andy's.

The last week in August, Eleanor and I moved to New Berlin. And Eleanor started "3K" in her new school.  Eleanor loves school and we are enjoying watching her learn!  I often joke about how she's Harvard-bound because I'm just so amazed at the things she has learned. 

We spent weeks combining two fully-functioning households into one.  I mean - no one needs 4 gliders!  3 coffee pots!  5 sets of dishes (Andy likes to remind me that we still have 4)! 5 beds!
I think it's safe to say that our house is now a home.

The wedding date has been set for September 7, 2013.  Every now and again, I even plan a detail or two for the wedding. 

We've even had some time to vacation this year - Andy's made a few trips to Vegas, I spent time in Alabama for my sister-in-law's wedding and we'll end the year together in Florida. 

My goodness...if 2013 is ANYTHING like 2011 or 2012...we'll hold on tight!  I'm kinda hoping things just slow down a bit and we can just enjoy...life.

Andy, Eleanor and I consider ourselves extremely lucky and extremely blessed.  And hope for the same blessings for you and your family.  We hope you come back to this site often to read about our journey through life.  And we hope to hear about your journeys as well. 

Merry Christmas.  Happy New Year!

Paralysis

Andy is working on the finishing touches of our Christmas card. 
I'm supposed to be working on our "Year in Review" for the blog.
And I can't think.
I can't write.

Because when I open my internet explorer I'm faced with the horror all over again.
And now the horror has a name, an age....a face.
Beautiful.  Sweet.  Innocent little children. 
Murdered. 
And as the nation is grieving, across the country another gunman is open firing in a mall parking lot.

What the hell?

I'm having a hard time comprehending what the f is going on around here. 

How the hell am I supposed to just act like it's all OK.

Today we had the most wonderful homily.  I almost felt OK with things.  I almost felt the blood beginning to flow again. 

I've been asking Andy what we are supposed to do.  What is really going to come of us?  What are we really going to do?

And our priest actually answered that question for us today.  What are we going to do? 
We are going to love.  We are going to be understanding.  We are going to be compassionate. 
We are going to be Christ-like.  We need to emanate our faith.

We need to be what we want others to be. 

And I'm trying.  I'm trying to be the better person. 
But I'm sad.
And I'm scared.
And I'm scared for Eleanor. The world she is going to grow up in. 
The world she is going to get. 

I don't know.  Evil has been around forever.  Wars.  Death.  Destruction.  I mean....I could list horrible occurrences of death in our past.  It was all senseless.  And I guess, just because I'm living it doesn't make it anymore senseless then when my parents, parents, parent's had to live it. 

And I know.  We can't let evil win.
I won't let evil win.
I'm going to kiss my fiancé.
I'm going to kiss my baby girl.
I'm going to hold them close.
And...I guess...I'm just going to try...whatever that means. 

Life...and Death

It's funny, just how quickly life reminds us that it is in charge. 
Just how quickly we are reminded that life is too short. 

This afternoon, Eleanor and I came home from work.
Some body's having a party!  Eleanor announced. 
Our street was lined with cars. 
One was kinda blocking our driveway.
And because I'm a crappy driver...I was a little annoyed. 

When we walked in the door, Andy announced that he thought something was wrong at Dennis and Mary Jo's. 
We started talking and planning our night and getting involved in our life. 
Andy got a phone call.
He ignored it.
After my story and my inspection of my new Kate Spade purse, he checked his messages. 

His neighbor...our neighbor...'s daughter...3 years older than Andy...had died. 
Andy's sister had been friends with Katie.  Melissa was the one that called to tell us. 

My first thought, when I heard this news, was what can I do?  I need to do something.  What can I do?
Cook. 
That's what I need to do. 
All those people at that house - they need to eat.
Because when someone dies - you cook.
When someone dies - you eat. 
Right?

When we learned that our neighbors experienced sudden, unexpected death, I wanted to cook more.
I wanted to do more.
I wanted to run over, hug someone, say "I'm so sorry" because I don't know what else to say, and offer some wine and cookies and casseroles.

Funny.

When Nicolas died, people came over and hugged me.
People said, "I'm sorry".
People asked, "How are you doing?"
People cooked.
And cooked.
And cooked.
We put casseroles and wine in snowbanks!

And now.  Here I am.
On the other side. 
I'm the expert - right?
I know exactly what to do - right?
And what am I doing?
Cooking casseroles. Giving hugs.
What else do you do?

You want to comfort.  And you want to pull the people you love close to you.
To give hugs.
To make sure they know you love them.

I'm just in a weird place right now.
And I just can't believe how much this sudden news is affecting me.

So hug someone tonight. Tell them you love them.
Don't hold a grudge.  Don't allow negative people to control you.
And for the love of your family - plan your estate!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas at the Bach house!  The day after Thanksgiving, in fact!  Christmas...all over the house!

 I wouldn't exactly say our Nativity scene is up...there are a few Squinkies living in the manager and the rest of the "village folk" have been lined up on the piano ever since.

 The tree is up - Andy has learned that although I complain, a lot, about putting the lights on and fluffing the branches...listening to me complain is better than trying to do it himself...only to have me try and redo them all (I have a VERY particular method of winding lights up and down every branch).  Call it OCD...or whatever!  We even managed to get almost all of our ornaments on the tree - sorry, mom...but a few of the Barbie ornaments staid in the box this year. 

 And thanks to Pinterest, be prepared to see a lot of pictures of my Christmas tree - I'm going to learn how to perfect the picture!

And...in case you have found this to be a fairly pointless post - I have to admit - My desktop crashed the other day and I am typing on my new laptop.  It's a hard transition from desktop to laptop...so I just wanted to play around with it.

But admit it - You are excited to see that we are decorating for Christmas.
And the kid is pretty darn cute!

Oh - and for what it's worth - Can you believe the New Berlin parade only has 2 firetrucks in the Christmas parade?  If you're from Cedarburg...you'll appreciate that comment!