What's the date?

Is it REALLY only March?
Was it REALLY 76 today?
Are my arms REALLY burnt from spending the day outside?

A girl could get used to this.

It was an AMAZING weekend.  The type of weekend that makes you say...OK week...I'm ready for you!
No, my house isn't clean.
No, I didn't go grocery shopping.
No, I'm not technically ready for the week ahead.

But baby Eleanor and I played.  And we played hard!
We spent so much time outdoors!
And it's not like we had a horrible winter that made us stay inside too much...but something about beautiful fresh air just makes you feel great!

Eleanor already has permanently dirty feet, bloody knees and elbows and the start of a good tan.  All great signs of summer.

AND...I enjoyed my first - and certainly not my last - Guinness.

All in all - a successful weekend.  How about you?  Did you play hard?  All recharged and ready for the week ahead?

I hope so!  Because here we go!

The significance of a piece of paper

I've done a lot of really significant things in the last year + few days. 
And it's amazing what I have done without thinking about it.  And what things stop me in my tracks and make me think - Woah.

I boxed up my husband's clothes - with tears - but with little significance.
I took off my engagement ring - almost without realizing it.  I just stopped wearing it.
I got a tattoo.  Without thinking twice. 

I ripped a piece of paper out of a notebook.  And stopped dead in my tracks. 

I needed a notebook.  So I went in the basement and grabbed one that only had two pieces of paper used.  The first was a pre-written blog entry.  Typical.
The second page was extremely detailed instructions and descriptions of Nic's siezures. 

I remember Nic having seizures.  But I don't often remember them in detail.
This notebook was used for people when they would "watch Nic".  When I wasn't there to explain what was going on and what needed to be done.
Because I sat with Nic for seizure after seizure after seizure. 
I knew how to respond.

And I've forgotten that seizures used to rule my life. 
EVERYWHERE I went.  I worried.  With Nic or without Nic.  I worried.
Would he have a seizure while WE were out?
Would he have a seizure while I was out?  Who would be with him?  Would they know what to do?
Would they panic?

From the first seizure I ever witnessed.  I never paniced.  It's like the voice inside of me said. OK.  Now we'll handle this. 

Nic was SO amazing to me.  For me.  That helping him.  That was easy. 
Scary as all hell.  But easy.  Love.  Love makes it all easy.

So while reading the details of Nic's seizures.  How they started.   What happened during them.  How to react.  That was significant.  But the real significance was this line
"Make sure Eleanor is safe.  She can stay and see the seizure.  She has before."
That first seizure I saw, I swooped up Eleanor and put her in her crib and shut the door then went back to Nic.  Even in the middle of a seizure Nic tried motioning for me to go get her and not stay with him.  From that moment on...they were a family affair. 
Eleanor and I would hold his hand.  Cushion his head.  And talk him through a seizure.  We'd all lay on the floor when the seizure was over and wait for Nic to get the strength to get up.  And then we'd go lay somewhere else. 

So...it's significant.  And while I forgot what seizures were really really like.  I also forgot that my 1 year old helped her father through them...just as much as her mother helped her husband. 

And so when that little girl really starts to drive me nuts...I have to remember.  She's lived just as much life in 3 years as I have lived in 31.

And I ask - what do I do with this piece of paper?  Do I keep it? And alwasy remeumber the detail?  Or do I rip it up?  Spit on it?  Burn it? And be happy.  Happy that where Nic is now...he's not having any seizures.  And I don't have to worry who is with him because I know he's in great hands.  And seizures aren't controling either of us anymore...