2 under 2!

That was my concern yesterday! Can you imagine? Me pregnant? Again?! I'm not! No worries, but it wasn't always like this...

Last week I called my doctor to see if she could write a prescription for birth control without me actually going to the clinic to see her. Frankly, I just didn't want to pay the money. The nurse said she could since I went to my post-partum 6 week check and I had declined birth control at the time because I was worried about my milk production. She asked my my last period was. I told her the first day of my last period was March 23, 2008. A date I became very familiar with during my pregnancy. Technically, that is the first day of my pregnancy and the date from which everything is based. The nurse became a little alarmed that I haven't been breastfeeding for 2 months and still haven't menstruated (you thought reading about my boobs was exciting...You had no idea reading about "Aunt Flow" would be even MORE exciting!). The nurse said she wanted to talk to my doctor, who was on vacation, and if I didn't hear anything by Tuesday, I should call the clinic.

Monday I received a call, "Could you be pregnant?" I laughed. Was it possible - sure. Was it probable - no. The nurse told me how it happens to a lot of women who are nursing and before they put me on a hormone, they needed to rule out the obvious. (I would think me NOT being pregnant would be the obvious, but I guess not). The nurse said she would order the labs and I should go in as soon as possible. Well, I had already taken lunch, so I would have to wait until after work.

I called Nic. "What do you think about having more children?". For the rest of the day, I thought the same thing. I felt awful. First, I didn't feel pregnant. No symptoms, nothing. What an awful mother, I couldn't even tell I was pg. Second, I wasn't sure I was ready for another baby. I just adore Eleanor. I want to spend every minute of every day with her. Everything she does amazes me and I really want to spend some time just with her. That is why I want my children a few years apart. When baby #2 comes, I want Eleanor to be a little more self-sufficient (like Emma), so I can spend quality time with #2. 2 under 2 would not provide for that bonding time. Third, my husband is on chemo. Dr. Robbins told us not to get pregnant the first time he was on chemo. I'm sure that rule applies the second time.

After my day finally ended and I completed my labs, I raced home. In the back of my linen closet, on the top shelf, behind sheets, a heating pad and a sling, I had one lonely dollar store pregnancy test. I didn't even say hi to Nic or Eleanor. I used to be a pro. at dollar store pg tests. I took them before every period and suddenly, I forgot how they worked. One breathless minute later, the results appeared. "Not pregnant". *phew*

It's funny what a difference a year makes. Had God blessed us another baby 6 months after our first was born, we would have been excited. We want more children. I'm just happy God was using this as a "lesson" and not an actual event.

This morning I received the phone call to confirm what we already knew. We are not pregnant. For a minute I thought about the big swollen belly, the little kicks from inside and the miracle of knowing that my body could make a baby. Then I looked at my picture of Eleanor and laughed. Next time I go to my 6 week post partum check I will remember the last 24 hours and willingly take the RX for bc. No one really wants 2 under 2!!