Going Home

This past weekend I couldn't wait to go home. Home as in my own house. My house, with my stuff. My environment. I spent a weekend there and felt a little better. Sunday night E and I prepared for a full week ahead of us. Monday morning I woke up, I showered, I started to get ready...and then Eleanor woke up. For the rest of the morning I tried to get myself ready and Eleanor ready and then I realized how much better it was for me to spend the night at home. Home as in my parents house. The house I grew up in. It was so much easier last week to just pass her off to dad as mom and I ran around the house trying to get ready.

Honestly, I don't know what I would have done this month if they were not here. I guess that is why you have kids. To help them out. I know I would do the same for Eleanor, but seriously....

And yet each night I dread going home (to my house) to pack a bag to go back to my parent's house. So much running around. Do you see my internal drama?!

Tomorrow is another morning of being at work at 5:30 AM. I'm SO tired and yet I just want to give myself a few minutes to decompress. Sit mindless in front of a computer and loose myself in my thoughts. It's so hard on nights like this becasue when Nic calls, all I want to do is just sit on the phone and not talk. It's hard when your husband is out of town and you only get a few minutes a night. It's hard when you feel like you are running around trying to keep life going and then you need to stop everything to talk on the phone. Sometimes, after being on the phone all day, I don't want to talk on the phone. But I want to talk to Nic. Lucky for me, Nic understands. Maybe more than I understand because I feel so bad when I say, Nic, I just need to let you go tonight. About 5 minutes. That's how long we got to talk tonight.

I think I'm starting to feel sorry for myself! I think I should go to bed. Hopefully some sleep will end this mini pity party I'm having for myself. Nic has been gone longer than he has to left to be gone. It's all downhill from here. It's a countdown to Nic's homecoming from here on out. So why do I feel so sad tonight?!

Good Night my love. I miss you. Tomorrow I'll figure out where I am going to sleep tomorrow. After all, that is how E and I have gotten through this time. Day by day.