Random

Yesterday I received a letter in the mail from Hospice. 

The letter told me that Nic, my husband, has been passed away for 3 months now.

Really? 

Thanks for the update.  Like I don't keep track of this information every single day of my life. 
Like I didn't know that. 

While I still LOVE the choice we made for Hospice...I would REALLY appreciate not receiving a letter explaining grief and where I think I should be and where I could be. 

Grief is a messed up emotion.  You can't quantify it.  You can't measure it. 

Also, I've noticed that sometimes if I stare, or glance a certain way, at pictures of Nicolas, he seems to...well...almost be 3D.  Like those pictures from the 90's.  You'd stare at the abstract image and some 3D image would pop out.  Come on...you KNOW what I'm talking about!

Nic is jumping out at me every chance he can get.

Or that my mind will allow. 

AND....drum roll...GUESS WHO WAS IN MY DREAM LAST NIGHT!

Nic!

For the first time - that I can remember - Nic was in my dream.  I woke up this morning and was the most excited and happy I have been in a long time.  He was there - visiting me in my dream.  I remember we were sitting on my bed and just talking about things that have been going on.  He asked where certain things were and what has been going on. 

I feel the most calm that I've been in awhile. 

Of course, all I want now is to have it happen again and again and again. 

But I was patient.  I waited.

And when I least expected it. 

It happened.